No. 45

Prompt:Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard/Rodney McKay &/or Evan Lorne/David Parrish, The expedition suddenly develops an acute allergy to wearing clothes
http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/712513.html?thread=94138177#t94138177

"I'm sorry, Major, could you repeat that?" John glanced at Rodney to make sure he wasn't the only one hearing things.

"There was a gate malfunction, and when we stepped out on the other side, we had no clothes on. All our tac gear, but none of our clothes. So...please send clothes. And also some kind of gift as a formal apology for the natives who are very...conservative - hey! Get your hands off him! He's mine!"

Major Lorne trailed off, and a muffled scuffle ensued on the other side of the radio transmission.

John glanced at Elizabeth. She looked perplexed and also like she was trying not to laugh.

"Chuck?" she asked. "How is such a thing possible?"

"I don't know, Ma'am, but I can run diagnostics immediately." Chuck's hands flew across the control panel.

"Well?" John asked Elizabeth.

"Obviously we need to send them some clothes. Check with Teyla about an appropriate apology gift for the people of the planet. And suspend all gate travel until further notice."

John nodded. He radioed a marine to go to Lorne and Parrish's rooms to get spare uniforms, and then he radioed for Teyla.

By the time the marines returned with clean uniforms, Teyla and John had arranged a nice-looking gift basket with paper, pens, chocolate, some exotic fruits traded from other planets, and Teyla had penned a carefully-worded note.

Chuck fired up the gate.

Elizabeth got on the radio. "Major Lorne? Dr. Parrish?"

"Here, ma'am." Lorne sounded strangely breathless. Had he been combating the natives?

"We're sending clothes and a gift basket through. Clear a space in front of the gate. And please, give our deepest apologies to the people there," Elizabeth said. She nodded at John, and he and Rodney edged toward the event horizon, pushed the basket and clothes through.

John was unprepared for the yanking sensation on his wrist, and only had time to yelp before he was dragged through the event horizon by some unseen force.

He tumbled onto gravel, Rodney beside him. Both of them were stark naked.

The natives, covered from throat to wrist to ankle, abandoned the gift basket they'd been admiring and started screaming.

Lorne, halfway into his clean uniform (his torso was covered with suspicious red marks), toggled his radio.

"Ma'am, the stargate is still malfunctioning."

John scrambled to cover himself, but Rodney just sighed and heaved himself to his feet.

"What?" Rodney asked when John shot him a scandalized look. "It's nothing you've never seen before."

John had never seen that much of it before, and it looked pretty good.

"You know what I mean." Rodney rolled his eyes. "We're all men here. Except for, you know, those women over there."

Said women were hiding their faces behind their hands and weeping.

"We'll send through more clothes - with a MALP," Elizabeth said.

There was a pause, and then Chuck said, "So, apparently the gate has several different operating modes, and somehow it got switched to, um, Matchmaker Mode."

John raised his eyebrows at Lorne, who swallowed hard and blushed and turned to help Parrish into his tac vest. John glanced at Rodney, who was eyeing him speculatively.

John was about to stand up and inquire further about this Matchmaker Mode, and then the MALP crashed into him.