True Facts #4

Wearing a suit to court does not automatically make you look classy and/or trustworthy. Suits trimmed with any kind of animal print will, however, make you look like a pimp and maybe like I shouldn't trust you with any of my kids.

Things They Never Taught Me In Law School #4

You can politic accidentally. They harp on networking from day one, and for those of us who are introverts or have social anxiety, networking sucks, and we're at a disadvantage. Networking, however, is not the same as politicking. That being said, we are taught to manipulate to get what we want. Turns out I can do that accidentally. Did it accidentally the other today, in an effort to protect my posting so I don't lose my court team in the shuffle. Walked away from the encounter both pleased and frightened.

True Facts #3

Smart criminals are typically a TV myth. If you get caught, you're stupid or unlucky or both. Usually stupid, though. If you're going to steal something from someone, do not then turn around and post that it is for sale on an Internet neighborhood yard sale site that serves the same neighborhood you stole the stuff from. If you do that, you will get caught, and we will cheer when they take you to jail, because we are cold, unfeeling people.

Things They Never Taught Me In Law School #3

Getting up in other people's relationship drama sucks. Divorce lawyers are always up in other people's relationship drama. I thought I was immune to it. But no. If foster parents are cheating on each other, I'm all up in that business. Also when my teenagers want to date and are not safe to, I am all up in that business too. Dating is a privilege, not a right. Trying to figure out how to get a stubborn kid to earn it is ridiculous.

Things They Never Taught Me In Law School #2

It is impossible to look professional while choking on your breakfast smoothie after your client says, while you are mid-sip, "My knees were on your boobs!"

True Facts #2

If you're going to have an affair, don't do it with a foster parent, or the government will get all up in your business.

True Facts #1

Hey lady, if you're going to let your son do crack cocaine three times a day for six days in a row, the judge isn't going to let you keep him.

Things They Never Taught Me In Law School #1

Child poop. Talking about child poop. Being enthusiastic about child poop. When child poop does or does not require ER intervention. How often children poop. The color of their poop. The consistency of their poop.

Things They Never Taught Me In Law School/TrueFacts

Here goes. Things they never taught me in law school but have somehow become par for the course in my legal practice (in no particular order).

And True Facts of life (also in no particular order).

In Child Welfare, at any rate.