Team outings were important activities, promoting team cohesiveness, loyalty, and friendship. Hyungwon could remember the first time he’d gone out with his team, having soju and barbecue pork rind and then singing the night away at a noraebang. He’d been surprised at some of his teammates’ singing skills, and they’d been surprised by his.
Even if he was only going to be with the company for one more month, he wasn’t going to start shirking his duties, and the quarterly team retreat was right around the corner. He’d consulted his teammates and, after some consideration, they’d all agreed that they wanted to go camping. It would be fun to hike and go out into the wild and shed the pressures of city life, enjoy nature and fresh air and quiet.
It was only fitting, Hyungwon supposed, that he’d managed to find a candidate to replace him in time for said replacement to join the team on the retreat. He’d had to badger Sajangnim into meeting the top three candidates after he’d done all the work himself to post the job, screen the applicants, and do the initial interviews. (He’d solicited Hyunwoo-sunbae’s help, because Hyunwoo-sunbae was the only other person who spent nearly as much time with Sajangnim as Hyungwon did, and he knew Sajangnim best, knew who would be a good fit).
Minhyuk was a very cheerful, bright, bubbly young man, a bit prone to chattering and loud laughter, but he had boundless energy, was eager to learn, and was rarely fazed by strange requests, would get to them without question. He was, apparently, also a good cook, which Hyungwon was pleased by, had agreed to bring a good supply of meat for them to barbecue at their campsite. Kihyun and Hyunwoo-sunbae were good cooks, so the entire team was in for a couple of days of very good meals.
They met out front of the office building very early on a Saturday morning, camping gear and coolers full of food and beer in hand. Hyunwoo-sunbae had secured a company van for their use, and he pulled up, then hopped out to help everyone load their supplies in. Jennie, Jisoo, and Chaeyoung were in charge of entertainment, had brought cards and a little radio. They also had plans for team-building games, but they’d kept those secret.
“By the way,” Hyunwoo-sunbae said in a low voice to Hyungwon, “Kihyun reached out to his friend Jooheon, if you’d like to go out on a blind date next week.”
“That would be nice,” Hyungwon said, keeping his voice just as low.
And then Minhyuk was bowing and saying, “Good morning, Sajangnim!”
The others bowed hastily.
Hyungwon turned and bowed, startled and confused. He ran Sajangnim’s calendar. He had no appointments this weekend, and Hyungwon would have received notice if some emergency appointments had been added to his calendar. But Sajangnim wasn’t dressed for the office. He was wearing jeans and a soft sweater over a t-shirt and carrying a camping pack.
“Good morning,” he said, grinning, and he looked devastatingly handsome. “I brought some beef to share.” He also had a cooler.
Hyungwon stared at him. “Sajangnim. You’re here for the team retreat?”
Sajangnim nodded, smiling.
“You never come on team retreats,” Kihyun said, and Hyunwoo-sunbae nudged him sharply.
Then he hurried to take the cooler from Sajangnim, load it into the back of the van. “How did you get here? Did you take a cab?”
Sajangnim laughed. “I do know how to drive. So - who’s sitting up front with Hyunwoo?”
“Hyungwon, because he is navigating,” Minhyuk said, and Hyungwon wanted to bless him, because there was no way he could handle sitting that close to Sajangnim for three hours in the van.
Hyungwon had been looking forward to a weekend without Sajangnim, without seeing his face or hearing his voice or maybe even without thinking about him.
Was it just his imagination, or did Sajangnim look...disappointed?
“If you like, Sajangnim, you can sit in the middle of the front bench so you don’t get car sick,” Jisoo said, inclining her head politely.
“Thank you, Kim-bisou,” Sajangnim said.
Hyungwon wasn’t sure if he was relieved or annoyed when Jisoo and Chaeyoung, both smothering giggles behind their hands, made sure they were seated on either side of him. Minhyuk, Kihyun, and Jennie sat on the middle bench. The back bench was crammed full of supplies. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo-sunbae finished loading supplies into the back, and then they climbed into the front.
“What kind of music do we want to listen to?” Hyunwoo-sunbae asked, reaching for the radio.
“What kind of music do you like, Sajangnim?” Jisoo asked, fluttering her eyelashes a little.
Sajangnim considered. “Chae-bisou, what kind of music do you want to listen to?”
Hyungwon twisted around in his seat, startled. “Me?”
Sajangnim nodded.
Jisoo and Chaeyoung looked surprised.
Minhyuk’s expression was narrow-eyed, calculating.
Hyungwon knew how much the team loved singing at the noraebang together, so he said, “I like k-pop. Hyunwoo-sunbae, find us some k-pop.”
Hyunwoo-sunbae nodded, fired up the radio. Bang Bang Bang came on, loud and proud. Jisoo and Chaeyoung cheered and began to sing and dance along. Kihyun had a lovely classical voice, but he could blend well, and he joined in. So did Hyunwoo-sunbae, grinning as he pulled the van away from the curb and out of the parking lot. Minhyuk, Hyungwon was pleased to note, also had a lovely voice. He’d fit right in with the rest of the team long after Hyungwon was gone.
Hyunwoo-sunbae had picked just the right station, because every song was one they could sing along to, and after several group sing-alongs, they started challenging each other to take solos as each new song came up. Jennie, Jisoo, and Chaeyoung had lovely singing voices, and as it turned out, Minhyuk was a pretty decent rapper.
Most of the songs being played were upbeat and bouncy, the kind everyone knew the dances to, and Hyungwon sang along with abandon. Even if his weekend wasn’t going to be Sajangnim-free, he was going to enjoy himself with his coworkers, because he liked them a lot, and this was his last team retreat with them.
And then Jisoo said, “Sajangnim, you should sing the next song that comes on.”
Sajangnim had been singing along quietly, bobbing his head to the beat, and he looked a little startled.
Hyungwon twisted around in his seat to tell Jisoo no, but then Sajangnim caught his eye and grinned, and Hyungwon’s stomach flip-flopped, and Sajangnim said, “All right.”
The commercial break ended, and Hyungwon braced himself for another bouncy energetic hip-hop song, but then a slow song came on.
“Awwww,” the others said.
Chaeyoung said, “Sajangnim, you don’t have to.”
But Sajangnim cleared his throat, sat up straighter, and began to sing. His voice was startlingly sweet and clear.
Contrary to how I feel, painful words come out
I made you struggle
And I’m struggling too
Unlike my determination, nothing’s getting better
I always disappoint you
And I regret it too
Hyungwon was startled because, he realized, he’d never heard Sajangnim sing before.
The others cheered and applauded.
Sajangnim caught Hyungwon’s gaze, and the corner of his mouth curved up in the faintest smirk, and then he kept on singing, right into the bridge and chorus. His voice was powerful as well as sweet and clear.
I’ll search the universe
Until I can find you again
I won’t let go, even the smallest memories
Memories engraved in the seasons
They come and go several times
But I will still call out to you
Hyungwon wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. The others all had their attention fixed on Sajangnim. Minhyuk, Jisoo, and Chaeyoung had turned on their cell phones and were waving them back and forth like lighters at a concert.
Hyungwon knew Sajangnim was just singing along with the song, was performing the same way everyone else had, but Hyungwon couldn’t shake the sense that Sajangnim was singing to him. No. That was madness. It was a very popular song, one that a lot of people liked. Sajangnim had probably learned it to impress one of his many beautiful boyfriends and girlfriends.
When the song ended, everyone applauded and cheered some more. Jisoo and Chaeyoung fawned all over Sajangnim, complimenting his singing style and talent.
“I learned to play piano and sing when I was a child,” Sajangnim said. He’d also learned Taekwondo and how to speak multiple languages. He spoke even more now, as a businessman.
After that, Hyungwon resolutely kept his gaze forward. When they stopped for a break and to stretch their legs, Hyungwon stuck close to Minhyuk, talking to him softly about the many languages Sajangnim spoke and that Minhyuk might want to learn. Minhyuk nodded, listening earnestly, and Hyungwon kept speaking to him, keeping an eye out for Sajangnim. Hyunwoo-sunbae seemed to sense what Hyungwon was doing, and he stayed with Sajangnim, talking to him, buying snacks for him.
Then it was back on the road and more car radio karaoke.
Lunch time was still a couple of hours away when they reached their campsite. Everyone pitched in to make camp together. Hyungwon and Minhyuk had arranged to share a tent, since Minhyuk had an extra large tent. Jisoo, Chaeyoung, and Jennie were all sharing a tent. Kihyun and Hyunwoo-sunbae were also sharing a tent. Sajangnim, of course, had a tent of his own.
He pitched it right next to Minhyuk and Hyungwon’s tent.
“Chae-bisou,” Sajangnim called out. “Could you give me a hand?”
Hyunwoo-sunbae, bless his soul, stepped in. “I’ve got this. Hyungwon, can you and Minhyuk go round up some rocks for a fire pit? The others are getting wood.”
“Of course,” Hyungwon said, and he and Minhyuk ducked away to the undergrowth.
They toted heavy rocks back to the center of the campsite, which Kihyun had brushed clear of debris. They arranged the rocks in a circle, and Hyunwoo-sunbae had a little camp shovel to dig the fire pit. Jisoo, Jennie, and Chaeyoung returned with firewood and kindling.
It took them about an hour to set up camp, including camp chairs, a little card table, and a canopy to keep them shaded. Even though their campsite was very primitive, the entire campgrounds had central bathrooms and showers for everyone to use, for which Hyungwon was grateful, because he had never been particularly outdoorsy.
“What should we cook for lunch?” Jennie asked, plopping down in her camp chair.
Kihyun slumped into a chair. “I’m too tired to cook. But I knew I would be, so I made some gimbap last night.”Hyunwoo-sunbae perked up. “Gimbap? Where?”
Kihyun waved at one of the coolers. Hyunwoo-sunbae went to open it. Hyungwon went to help him distribute the containers of food. They were the cute little lunch kind, with their own chopsticks.
“I’m surprised Sun-bisou isn’t more tired,” Chaeyoung said, fluttering her eyelashes at Hyunwoo-sunbae. “He did so much digging and carrying. He’s so strong.”
“I’m fine, thank you,” Hyunwoo-sunbae assured her, oblivious to her flirting. How he had ever managed to get married was a bit of a mystery to Hyungwon, but then Hyungwon had never dated, so he couldn’t really criticize.
“Besides,” Hyunwoo-sunbae continued, “Sajangnim is also very strong.”
“That I am,” Sajangnim said. He peeled off his sweater and sat there in just his thin white t-shirt, and Hyungwon remembered their encounter in the gym, knew what his body looked like underneath.
Chaeyoung and Jisoo fawned over him some more.
Hyungwon sat beside Minhyuk, and they shared a bottle of orange juice while they ate their lunch.
The after-lunch team-building activity was, apparently, some kind of treasure hunt that Jisoo and Jennie had arranged. There were six ribbons hidden throughout the forest around their campground, five red, one blue. The red ribbons were each worth a small prize. The blue ribbon was worth a whole day off. Jennie and Jisoo had already cleared it with HR.
Everyone would be paired into teams to try to collect as many ribbons as possible. The winners could decide whether to keep all the ribbons and distribute them. The losers would have to cook that night.
They all stood in a circle around the campfire while Jennie and Jisoo explained the rules. Everyone would take their phones with them to stay in contact - if their phones got signal at all; most of the company phones would. Jennie and Jisoo had the GPS location of each ribbon in case anyone was in dire need of help.
“Some of the ribbons may be hard to reach, so you’ll have to use your teamwork to help each other get them,” Jennie said.
There would be some amount of teamwork and negotiation if one team only found one ribbon between them.
“Who’s on which team?” Chaeyoung asked, already eyeing Sajangnim.
Hyungwon started to reach toward Minhyuk, because he made the most sense given that they needed to team-build together, but then a warm hand curled through his.
“Obviously Chae-bisou should be with me,” Sajangnim said.
Hyungwon’s breath caught in his chest, and he turned. Sajangnim was standing very close to him, smiling.
Minhyuk latched onto Hyunwoo-sunbae. “You’re strong. You can lift me into a tree if we need it, all right?”
That left Chaeyoung and Kihyun, who eyed each other with thinly-veiled irritation.
“All right,” Jennie said. She had a whistle like a PE teacher. “Be back in time to cook dinner. Go!” And she blew on her whistle.
Minhyuk took off like a shot, and Hyunwoo-sunbae scrambled after him, startled.
Chaeyoung and Kihyun followed at a more sedate pace.
“This way,” Sajangnim said, and headed in the opposite direction. He was still holding Hyungwon’s hand.
Hyungwon scrambled to keep up with him. “Sajangnim, it rained here recently, so the ground will be muddy and slippery in places. Please be careful.”
Sajangnim glanced over his shoulder, wearing that amused smirk that made women sigh and that made Hyungwon’s heart flutter but also made Hyungwon want to strangle him sometimes. “I’m not afraid to get a little dirty. Are you?”
“No,” Hyungwon said, disconcerted by what he seriously suspected was innuendo in Sajangnim’s tone (but that was impossible, but if Sajangnim called Hyungwon in the middle of the night it was for help with a conference call to America). “But your health and well-being is very important to -”
“You?”
“Me and everyone at the company.”
They’d made the right decision to go opposite everyone else, because after about five minutes of an energetic trot through the trees, they spotted it. The coveted blue ribbon. It was halfway up a tall, skinny tree, which said impressive things about Jennie and Jisoo’s tree-climbing skills.
“I’ll give you a hand up,” Sajangnim said. “You’re lighter than me.”
Hyungwon started to nod, because that was true, and then he really looked up at how far the ribbon was. “Ah, Sajangnim, I - don’t do well with heights.”
Sajangnim eyed him. “It’s not that far.”
Hyungwon swallowed hard. “I know, but - ever since I was a child, I haven’t done well with really any heights.”
“We stay on the topmost floors of hotels all the time.”
“And I never go out onto the balcony.”
Sajangnim eyed him some more. “Since you were a child?”
Since Hyungwon had been kidnapped. Everyone in his family denied it, didn’t remember it, but he remembered. The ghostly woman with the pale skin and straggly black hair. Her bright red shoes. How he’d huddled on a half-broken balcony overlooking a dark room and been terrified of falling with every creak and shift of the floorboards beneath him.
Hyungwon nodded.
“If I get the ribbon, the day off is mine,” Sajangnim said, starting to hoist himself up the narrow trunk.
“You should take more time off,” Hyungwon said.
Sajangnim scrambled up the tree with surprising agility. Hyungwon’s heart climbed into his throat as Sajangnim ascended higher and higher, and he had to look away.
There was a thump as Sajangnim landed beside him, ribbon in hand.
“Heights really do bother you,” he said.
Hyungwon nodded tightly. “Good climbing.”
Sajangnim tucked the ribbon into his pocket, then grabbed Hyungwon’s hand and started walking again, farther away from camp.
Hyungwon thought about pulling away, but Sajangnim’s hand was warm, gentle.
“If you had the day off, what would you do?” Sajangnim asked.
“Me? I’d add that day off to a planned vacation, so I had just a little more time.”
“What would you do on vacation?”
“I’d go to Paris. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris.” Hyungwon’s parents had owned a travel agency when he was growing up, which was why he’d learned to speak multiple languages, to help out at the office when he could. He’d always been envious of their clients who’d come in and book exciting vacations to faraway places.
“We’ve been to Paris,” Sajangnim said.
“Not on vacation,” Hyungwon pointed out.
Sajangnim nodded, humming thoughtfully. Then he narrowed his eyes. “I think I see a red ribbon. Come on!” And he started to run.
“Wait, Sajangnim,” Hyungwon protested, because the ground was very muddy. “I’m not as fast as you!”
“Your legs are longer than mine,” Sajangnim said, and that was true, Hyungwon was a decent runner from all those years playing soccer when he was younger, but -
Sure enough, Hyungwon slipped on a patch of mud. He had the presence of mind to let go of Sajangnim’s hand, but as a result he didn’t catch himself, went tumbling.
When he managed to right himself, his left side was covered with mud, and his ankle was blazing with pain. Sajangnim was kneeling beside him in an instant.
“Chae-bisou, are you all right?”
“I’m alive,” Hyungwon muttered. “Just - give me a moment.”
“We should get back to camp,” Sajangnim said. “Come on.” And he picked Hyungwon up.
“Sajangnim!” Hyungwon protested, but Sajangnim kept walking.
“You can put me down. If I just lean on you -” Hyungwon began, but Sajangnim shook his head.
“This is faster.”
“I’m getting you all muddy.”
“I told you, I’m not afraid of getting a little dirty.”
Hyungwon’s ankle was seriously irritating him, and also he now he noticed how nice Sajangnim smelled. “Please, Sajangnim -”
And it started to rain.
“There - a shelter up ahead.” Sajangnim tightened his hold on Hyungwon and sped up.
Because they were camping in a national park, there were little rest shelters all through the forest for hikers to use. The one Sajangnim had spotted was in good repair, dark wood, benches on three sides, space for a little fire pit in the middle. Sajangnim set Hyungwon down on one of the benches gently.
“Let me see your ankle.”
“I’d rather get the mud off.”
“Take off your shoe,” Sajangnim said, and Hyungwon obeyed, because he always obeyed.
But then Sajangnim stripped off his t-shirt, which wasn’t nearly as muddy as Hyungwon’s, and went to hold it out in the rain. He wrung it out a few times, and then he let it soak some more. He returned to Hyungwon, used the t-shirt to wipe the mud of his clothes as best as he could.
“No, Sajangnim, your t-shirt is expensive -”
“I can buy another. Hold still.”
Hyungwon submitted, tense beneath Sajangnim’s gentle hands. Sajangnim went to rinse his shirt out again, and then he wrapped it around Hyungwon’s right ankle.
“Does that help?”
“Yes,” Hyungwon admitted, trying to be polite. Before today, he’d have been sure that Sajangnim was incapable of tending to anyone with an ailment or being this gentle, because Sajangnim was brilliant and hardworking and didn’t tend to have much patience for those who weren’t on his level, though occasionally he managed a dose of condescension.
“Thank you,” Hyungwon added, because Sajangnim looked terribly anxious.
At that, Sajangnim sat back. “I’m sorry I made you fall.”
“It wasn’t you. It’s muddy out there. It’s even muddier now, I’m sure.”
Sajangnim said, “I have a piece of candy, if you like.” He fished in his pocket.
Given Sajangnim’s physique, Hyungwon wouldn’t have imagined that candy was something the man went anywhere near. But the piece of candy he held out was one of Hyungwon’s favorite, had been since he was very small.
“Thank you,” Hyungwon said.
Sajangnim unwrapped it very carefully, held it out, and Hyungwon accepted it.
“You know,” Sajangnim said, “since you’re leaving in a few weeks, we should celebrate.”
Hyungwon raised his eyebrows. “So you’re excited to get rid of me?”
“No,” Sajangnim said. “But you have served me well for ten years, and you should celebrate that.”
Hyungwon had planned on celebrating by going out and finding a job he loved and maybe meeting the man of his dreams. Or the man he’d always hoped of finding, Wonho, the boy who’d been kidnapped with him, the one who’d kept him safe, helped him escape from the madwoman who’d taken them.
Wonho had given him candy to comfort him while they’d been huddled in the dark together.
Sajangnim nudged him. “How would you celebrate? Go wild. We’re out in the wild.”
Hyungwon thought. “I’d sleep in late. Then - I’d go to an amusement park with the person I liked. We’d play games and win stuffed animals and ride roller coasters - the ones that go fast and high. We’d maybe ride the merry-go-round, too. We’d walk the streets and get good food, maybe go to a museum. We’d take pictures in front of a famous monument or something. We’d have a street artist draw our portraits, and maybe we’d dance under the moonlight.”
“You have a person you like?”
“I do,” Hyungwon said.
“What’s she like? Or he.”
Hyungwon shook his head. “You wouldn’t be interested.”
“I asked, didn’t I?”
“He’s my soulmate,” Hyungwon said.
Sajangnim looked unimpressed. “You believe in soulmates?”
“We promised to be together,” Hyungwon said, “and when I find him again, we will be.”
“Is that why you’re leaving me?” Sajangnim asked. “To find your soulmate?”
“Somehow I doubt my soulmate would take it well if I were at the beck and call of another man. And like I said - it’s been ten years. It’s time.” Hyungwon stared down at his hands.
Sajangnim finally said, “Your celebration doesn’t sound very wild.”
Hyungwon shrugged. “But it would make me happy.”
Sajangnim gazed past him for a moment. “The rain’s letting up. Come on. Let’s get back to camp.”
And he scooped Hyungwon into his arms, crouched down so Hyungwon could grab his shoe and sock. They were the first to arrive back at camp. Sajangnim dried off one of the chairs as best as he could, set Hyungwon on it.
“Thank you, Sajangnim.”
“You really can call me Sunbae or Hyung.” Sajangnim leaned in and said, quietly, “Dongsae.”
