No. 97

Prompt: Sleepy Hollow, Ichabod Crane is deeply confused by 21st century marriages/weddings
http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/695597.html?thread=91602989#t91602989

"Is it some kind of competition? Is there a prize? I don't understand."

Abbie poked her head out of the kitchen. "What?" She hadn't had her morning coffee yet, but Ichabod was an irritatingly early riser and had yet to learn how to drive so she had to take him everywhere (but he was fine with walking to her door?).

"These women. Apparently if they are obnoxious and unreasonable enough about their impending nuptials, they are allowed to appear on television and be considered famous." Ichabod was staring at her television in undisguised horror. "Is the mostly beastly woman declared the winner and allowed to become the most famous?"

He was also making no sense. Abbie strode into the living room and stood beside him, studied the scene on the television. A woman in a beautiful Vera Wang white lice and satin creation was shaking a bouquet so hard at a seamstress that she nearly hit the woman in the face.

"You're watching Bridezillas?"

"It started playing after your chosen programme ended," Ichabod said defensively.

"Weddings can be big, stressful things," Abbie said. "For the women more than the men, usually, since the bride and her family are responsible for planning it." She scooped up the remote and turned off the television.

Ichabod blinked and shook himself out, as if he were coming out of a trance. "How so? A woman obtains a dress, her family hires a cleric of some sort to perform the ritual, and there is perhaps a meal and some celebration afterward."

"This coming from the man," Abbie said. "But if all your relatives want to come, and half of them hate each other, how do you arrange the seating so they are not near each other but are equally far from you so the feel equally valued by you and your family?"

"You sound as though you've done this before."

"If not for me, then for friends." Abbie said, "Come on, let's take a cultural expedition before we head into the office for the day." And she took him to the local newsstand and showed him the plethora of bridal magazines.

Ichabod paged through them with increasing dismay at the types of dresses offered and all of the minute details to which one had to pay attention, and then all of the optional items, like ring-bearers, dancing, surprises (musical performances, more dance performances), and the art of writing the perfect best-man speech. Because he was so fascinated, Abbie bought all of the magazines for him, and they got started with trying to save the world for another day.

She was horrified, the next morning, when Ichabod presented her with several marked pages in the magazines that he thought were the weddings dresses she would look best in for her theoretical future wedding, of which he would obviously be in charge, and she was even more horrified when he corralled Jenny into helping him pick flowers, tuxes, and invitations. She was mortified (but secretly pleased) when Jenny pointed out which tuxes Ichabod would look best in.