No. 6

Prompt: Stargate Atlantis, any, they always tell the new arrivals not to touch the Ancient gender-swapper, but there's always one who doesn't listen...
http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/686659.html?thread=90226755#t90226755

Warning new expedition recruits away from the Ancient gender-swapping device was an exercise in futility and amusement. Ninety percent of the greenies hadn't previously served with Stargate command, so they didn't believe just how weird life could be on the other side of the gate, and they didn't quite know what alien technology was capable of, so when someone said a device did something beyond belief, those little marines just had to test it out.

Also, it was some kind of fallacy of fantasy, that a good-looking man would turn into a beautiful woman. John and Rodney had a scrap-book full of incriminating Polaroids that demonstrated how reality operated very much to the contrary. Rodney insisted the photos were for scientific posterity. John knew the photos - his and Rodney's included, as they'd been the device's first victims - were for troop morale. Not every weird thing that happened in Pegasus Galaxy was borderline apocalyptic. And marines made damn ugly girls.

Surprisingly few of the women in the expedition had been lured in by the mystique of the device, and most of them had just made for eerily androgynous or odd-looking little men.

So when the call went out on the radio, Code Tireseias, John wasn't too surprised. The newest wave of recruits had only been in Atlantis for a week. John tapped his radio.

"Major Lorne," he said, "bring the poor offending marine to me."

Someone cleared her throat in the doorway. "Sir."

John lifted his head and stared. The woman in the doorway was beautiful. She had wide blue eyes and full pink mouth, silky dark hair – and an ill-fitting uniform with dark grey patches on the jacket. "Lorne?"

"Sir," she said, "there was a fight between some of the new marines and our veterans. It was in the device storage room. Dr. McKay is very upset. We need your assistance immediately."

"Lorne," John said, "they just called a Code Tireseias. Report to the infirmary." But he stood up and pulled on his jacket, prepared to do his duty as the military commander of the expedition. Brawls that resulted in his XO being gender-swapped were unacceptable.

"If you don't mind, sir," Lorne said, "we know this condition isn't life-threatening. I think I'd prefer to sit in here and cry for a little bit." And she sank down in her usual chair, which now dwarfed her (and Lorne wasn't even a very big guy to being with).

John balked at the mention of crying. "Lorne," he began, but she shook her head.

"I'll be fine, sir. I just need a moment."

"Are you sure? I –"

The radio crackled on. "Colonel," Zelenka said, "we need your assistance in device storage room one. Dr. McKay is about to disembowel an entire platoon of marines with his laptop."

John winced. "Be right there." To Lorne he said, "Hang tight, Major. I'll be back as soon as I can."

It was a stupid promise to make. John was awful at dealing with crying women. He was good at dealing with an angry Rodney and unruly marines, though. All he had to do was promise Rodney awful punishment upon the marines to appease his anger and inflict the awful punishment on the marines to remind them about the chain of command and respecting the scientists. Thus internal peace was restored to the City of Atlantis.

He remembered his promise to Lorne, and for one awful moment he prayed for a Wraith invasion, but Lorne had been an exemplary XO since he'd set foot on Atlantis, and John was grateful for that. So he headed back to the office they shared with some chocolate ice cream he'd demanded from the KP marines and was ready for a crying girl-Lorne.

Except the sound of her soft, gut-wrenching sobs nearly broke him. He'd never dealt well when Nancy had cried, and usually when he was dealing with a man crying, it was because he was dying. John didn't do well with his own men dying.

He paused beside the door and took a deep breath, searching for comforting words.

And then he heard Dr. Hightmeyer say, "You know everything you tell me is confidential."

"I was good," Lorne sobbed. "I was so good. I listened. I didn't go near the machine. Not once. Didn't even look at it when they took me on the initial tour. I heard what they said about it, and I listened. If only those stupid marines had kept their damn egos in check –"

"Major," Dr. Hightmeyer said, "it's perfectly fine to be upset about being forced to be the wrong gender –"

"No," Lorne said forcefully. "You don't understand."

"What don't I understand?" Dr. Hightmeyer kept her tone soothing and gentle.

"This is the right gender." Lorne's voice hitched. "This is who I'm supposed to be. But I always wanted to fly, and so I pushed it away, pushed it down, and when I heard about the Ancient device I wanted – but I knew I couldn't – and now I know what it feels like and I want it forever and they're going to make me change back."

"Have you thought about asking Dr. Beckett –?"

"I can't ask," Lorne said, "and I can't tell. If I ask, they'll know, and they'll send me away, and if I don't have Atlantis, if I don't have flying the puddle jumpers or the 302's, I don't have anything. No one will take me if I'm dishonorably discharged." Her breath shuddered with more sobs. "And they'll change me back before I go."

John stepped back from the door, tapped his radio to a private channel. "Lieutenant Cadman," he said.

"Sir?"

"You're an explosives expert, right?"

"Yes, sir."

"I need you to see to it that the Ancient gender-swapping device has an irreparable accident without any of the other devices in storage being harmed."

"Sir? But Major Lorne –"

"Is fine. I'll protect you from McKay. Get it done. Tell no one."

"Yes, sir."

John took another deep breath and knocked on the door. "Hey! I'm here to reinforce a cliché." He hefted the tub of ice cream for Lorne to see.

Lorne scrubbed a hand over her face. "Sir, this is your office. You don't need to knock."

But Dr. Hightmeyer cast John a grateful look. "I'll be in my office if you need me, Major. We can finish this discussion later." She departed quickly.

John set the little pint of ice cream down on Lorne's desk. "So, what's your new name?"

Lorne, who'd reached for the spoon, was wide-eyed. "What do you mean?"

"When Rodney and I first got zapped, Teyla temporarily gave us new names," John said. "I was Joan, which wasn't very creative. Rodney was 'Meredith', for some reason. What should we call you?"

"Those names don't sound very Athosian."

"Well, she let us choose our own names, but she insisted we had to have new names for a while."

"Oh." Lorne picked up the spoon, eased open the carton of ice cream. "Um...Stephanie, I guess. My sister's middle name."

"I didn't know you had a sister," John said. He sat down in his own chair and leaned back. "Tell me more."

Lorne started to smile. "Well, she's a little older than me..."